Find Me A Deserted Island. And Fast.

Self-indulgent or smart? Or both?

Whenever I think about self-care, part of me feels the tiniest bit guilty for all the people in the world that suffered before the emergence of self-care. Then I take part in it, and that guilt just melts away, and I'm reminded that it's a notion that is decadent, necessary, and evolved.

Especially today, moreso than other days.

I have been knee-deep in projects lately. I have my artwork business. Lisa Grady Designs. 2 shops on ETSY born from that. I am a stay at home mom. I have 2 new sites, Ditching the Cart, about simplifying, still in the making, the blog that goes with that, and the other heartfelt project, www.theopenheartproject.com, about giving back, its blog, and finally, my work on teaandbrahmi - along with the blog, which you are reading...

All of it I love, but it takes its toll every now and then. Here is the now and then. And today I paid...

What a totally rotten day. Well, it wasn't ALL bad. Most of it was, then it got easier, then harder, then it got great. Because I figured it out. But not without going through a little hell, and not without help.For some reason, be it the moon, the black weather we've been getting, my poor diet these past couple days, or just another lesson, I was in a terrible, unwaveringly bad mood. And I stay home with my boy, so what that means is I have to be the emotional & physical cruise director for a three-year-old with a serious play agenda. I have to be the funtime friend, superduper toddler chef, homemaker, and mommy happy-face for 12 straight hours, which on most days is my favorite thing to do.


But not today. 


My wonderful friend who lives 8 hours away saved me a bit. I called her up. Ranting. Complaining. Lighting hell on fire with my mood. She assured me we have these moments, these days. I know we do. I know it! "But how am I supposed to get some time if I need it? AND I NEED IT!!!! WHEN DO I GET NAGGING STUFF DONE? 8 PM AT NIGHT AFTER I PUT THE BOY TO BED WHEN I AM AT HALF-THROTTLE, and 90% SPENT?!"


I prayed. I prayed more. I journaled. I cried. I talked. I ate. I prayed more...


The day dragged on. Six o clock came. My husband's train was late. More irritation. But then the comfort came. The only thing I needed. I talked more, and it came out. Sure I talked earlier, but I was not as far along in my misery at noon as I was at six o'clock.And I said, "You know, I just need to have some time to work on my projects that aren't work! When was the last time I read a book that wasn't an herbal reference, natural health, or energy healing book? When did I last do something that was just for fun!?" 


That's how it hit me. I was working working working working working.....It wasn't just about "me" time, but about time when I wasn't doing work. Doing my artwork business, taking care of my boy, the house. Of everything else.  I was thinking, Personal Downtime. Not dinner with family, or an outing with the kids. Just, plain, non-work, non-social time.  Did I say it enough ways yet?


So here I am, writing away, drinking my wine, hearing the boys downstairs going on about something on Caillou, and doing some serious damage to my clean living room with some blocks. And I am making progress. On myself. On the world, and I am relieved. It's just what I needed. And I am thanking God for answering my prayers. And thanking my husband for understanding. And grateful I live in a time when taking an hour or two for yourself is not unheard of. I am blessed. I am happy. Truly happy.


What do you need? Do you know? If you do, go find it, and if not, rant and pray until you figure it out. Then post it here. I would love to hear about it.